Rev.Rucifer

Perhaps you’ve seen it on Instagram, heard somebody talking about it, or discovered it along your own journey, but somewhere along the way a part of you became curious about bondage. Bondage, the B of BDSM, is the restraint of a person either trough tying, binding or restraining in a variety of ways including the use of rope, cuffs, tape or other materials.

In my own experience, I had a curiosity about this modality as it quickly takes away control from the person receiving this experience and often pulls them out of their normal logical and rational thought pattern. As a self-identified alpha female, this is an extremely powerful and rewarding experience to drop the expectations of the world and embrace an alternate reality.

If you’re like me there’s always been a feeling that there’s something to prove. I compensated for this with education, dedication to my career, and a willingness to step into the powerful alpha female role. This bred confidence, a desire to always be my best and a pressure only felt by myself.  

When it came to the bedroom, I found myself looking for strong, alpha male types where I could fully release this powerful persona and release fully into the moment. In many traditions, including tantra, the masculine is the container, the structure, and creates the space of trust. When the feminine can fully trust this container and the safety of this relationship, she is free to relax, settle, and come into the flow of the feminine. The feminine is able to move out of the masculine energy and release the need to provide that sense of safety and security for self.  

Bondage creates this dynamic, and the power exchange possible in fully releasing the need to be in control, and embrace what’s possible when we can simply exist.

If you are new to bondage, there are a few things I recommend:  

1. Do Your Research – Know where your curiosities are, your limits and desires, the risks associated with play, and what you need for aftercare. When you are educated and informed, you are more able to ask for what you want to experience, and a trusting partner can provide this space for you. If you are interested in rope bondage, I highly recommend The Rope Bottom Guide from Kinky Clover.

2. Find A Trusted Partner – Paid professionals are a fantastic resource to explore curiosities in a safe, sane and consensual environment. A professional should be able to actively engage in conversation about the experience, help set boundaries, and provide appropriate after-care during your first experience. Boundaries should not be set after the scene begins, and a respectful top/dominant will honor these boundaries throughout the experience. Meet-ups, classes and existing kink and sex+ communities (such as Pagan’s Paradise) are often welcoming spaces if you are interested in meeting new people or are exploring with a partner.

3. Have Fun & Go Your Speed – There is nothing to prove and this is all for you. This is an experience for you to connect with yourself in a different way, and for you to experience on your terms. Bondage can be sexual, sensual, painful, relaxing, healing or a mix of some or all (or other sensations too!). Don’t worry about pushing yourself too hard, too soon. This, like life, is a journey. Allow it to flow and see how your mind, body and spirit respond to this modality.

I always recommend understanding your own risk profile and what is okay for you in that moment. Bondage can be extremely dangerous, possibly resulting in injury or worse, and it can be wildly rewarding, pleasurable and healing. I have found it instrumental in creating safe and playful spaces to explore sexuality, sensuality, presence and healing.